"Grailen's Ventureers"

(Composed and sung by Chad at All Star Game 2009)

(Sung to the tune of "Barrett's Privateers")

Oh the year was 1082
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
When travelers formed an adventuring band
and set off for the keep on the borderlands!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

Oh Grailen Hall cried the town –
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
For many brave souls, all commoners who
would make for him an adventuring crew
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

With a group of nine we finally left-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
But Ktimine found her eternal sleep
When ambushed by that damn shopkeep!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

Oh Holtus town was a sickening sight-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
She’d a bloody great wall and a big ravine
But the whole place stunk like an open latrine
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

It didn’t take long for some rocks to fall-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
Half the party were squished to the floor
So we went back to town to recruit some more!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

In the woods we found a giant and rope-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
That little wee rope caused so many to fall
But the big dumb giant was no problem at all!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

And Grailen was killed when he charged the line-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
We didn’t care much that they cut his throat
But we thought we’d better fight them for that bag of goat!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

And Akastos left, he fled the scene-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
We found him and he died by the sword
But we never ever got that money back from Korg!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

At length we entered a Minotaur’s cave-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
We got locked in to our disgrace
But we broke down the door on Saeros’ face!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

Then Cassandra and Pheradra were wed-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
It was caused by some weird magic glitch
But it didn’t stop Pheradra from being a bitch!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

A plague of Zombies we finally found-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
We had a long fight with some oil flasks
And we saved the evil cleric for last!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

The cleric proved a difficult fight-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
Before too long we got him to fall
Then we were hypnotized by a fucking wall!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

After many a try we smashed its spell-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
We went back to Holtus to just lie down
But trouble follows parties when they’re in town!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

It all could have been so peaceful there-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
But Kirkos launched his devious plan
And locked me with Pandora who was a man!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

The quest was finished and the day was won-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
The party successful felt some pride
But don’t tell that to the twenty recruits who died!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers

And here I train a month or so on-
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!
Though they’re all strange, and a pain in the ass
They’re the best damn party in all Decast!
Gods damn them all!
I was told we’d search the hills for Turvitian gold
we’d fire no bows, shed no tears
Now I’m a broken man on a Karnos pier
the last of Grailen’s Ventureers
Oh the year was 1082
How I wish I was in Cyrax now!